One man's view of Twilight and New Moon: the movies

So Hubs finally watched Twilight and New Moon with me, let's just say... he's still not a fan.
He cracked me up the entire time, making fun of every little thing. I thought I'd share some of his views.

1. Robert Pattinson looks like a gargoyle 

2. Who is in danger from whom? Cause Kristen Stewart looks like she's considering eating him.

3. Look at me, I'm a vampire, I'm super fast... hop on, I'll give you a piggyback ride and then show you how I twinkle.

4. His hair looks just like your Grandmas! (Jasper in New Moon)








  

5. This is like Saved by the Bell with vampires!








6. Why does Edward look so constipated? Do the books explain that?

7. They've been together for exactly 17 minutes and Carlisle considers her part of the family??? 

8. We're suppose to believe he is 135,000 years old and has never had a girlfriend? Oh! and he's a virgin!

 9. She's reading about vampires on the internet and making these faces like she can't believe it... she reads "Blood Drinkers" and acts shocked.

10. A subaru & a peacoat... very scary.

11. Why is she so twitchy? You know... he's kind of twitchy too. Why are all these people so twitchy??? 

12. So he twinkles in the sun??? Thats ridiculous!  In the real world vampires burn. (He has never watched The Vampire Diaries so I thought the way he worded that was excellent.)

13. How is it, that this 135,000 year old vampire is exactly like a 17 year old boy???

14. He can't live in a world where she does not exist... (scoffs)

15. No fangs, no blood, no sex, no burning in the sun, no stakes to the heart??? This is completely unrealistic.

 I tried to explain many things: Edwards age, car and pained expression... but Hubs wouldn't hear it. He thinks it's the most ridiculous thing ever. But... at least he tried, I suppose.